If you've ever played improv. games with me you'll know my favorite is "Instructional Video." Instructional video is a difficult game to play because it requires advanced improv skills. The basic premise is this: two actors, one person as the voiceover, given a basic task like "how to make PB&J," the voice over must instruct the actors on how to make a PB&J (or whatever the task is) but the task is never accomplished because unforeseen circumstances arise like we're out of bread so we must got to the store, but we lost the car keys, now we need to go buy a tracking dog to sniff out the car keys, etc. In a sense its a game of "What can go wrong now," last night God decided to play instructional video with me, I'll let you in on a secret, He was the voiceover.
Midnight marked the beginning Lent, which I've participated in (my own Mormon version) for a few years now. This year my Lenten sacrifice, amongst others, is giving up Facebook and Twitter, so when midnight rolled around I logged off and found myself with nothing to do. My roommate had retired for the evening so I emigrated from my room and went to the living area, another roommate asleep on the couch. . . .this is awkward. . . wide awake and no where to go. "Oh," I thought, "I'll go to the community lounge!" After spending sometime in the apartment building's lounge I started to get really hungry (probably because I eat less than 700 calories a day).
The plan was to go to WalMart and grab a bite to eat, so I went downstairs into the parking lot and tried to start my car but it wouldn't start! After many attempts it finally turned, but I realized I was low on gas so I drove to a Chevron around the corner. Insert my debit card into the gas pump and the screen said "Unable to Authorize. See Cashier." Well, it was 2:30 in the morning, the store was closed and there was no cashier. I drove to a Texaco, same message as before.
"I must not have enough money in my account to authorize."
2 miles away is the closest Chase Bank so I drove on my slim ration of gasoline, and deposited $40 in my account. Although my account already had enough money in it that the gas pumps should have authorized. whatever. I started my car to leave. I didn't make it two feet when my car died, it was as if my car gazed into the eyes of a Basilisk, no life to be salvaged. For the first time I had run out of gas.
I dialed the number for roadside assistance and talked with a nice woman from Kentucky who said "Just bare with me for one moment" more times than I care to address. She needed an address to send the assistance but I have no idea what road I was on. Since she isn't from Utah I couldn't just say "I'm at the Chase bank by University Mall," no, that would be too easy. I ditched the car and started sprinting down the street toward the nearest intersection so I can find an address. Mind, it's Utah in February and it's decently cold. As I'm running down the vacant road with the phone to my ear I try and sound like I'm not about to keel over, not working.
MIRACLE!!! As I'm running down the road I notice a Maverik on my right, who would have known they are 24 hours??? Hang up with the Kentucky lady. Of course Maverik dosen't have an emergency gas can so I proceed to buy their largest cup.
Shiz.
REALLY?
I forgot my wallet in my car.
It is at this point I realize God likes Instructional Video too and has decided to play with me.
I walk back to my car, grabbed my wallet, and left a cardboard note on my car asking not to be towed because I ran out of gas (it is Orem after all, they tow left and right!). I made the exodus back to the Maverik and purchased the cup and gasoline to go along with it. The man behind the counter was kind enough to give me some paper snow cone holders to use as a funnel.
Surprisingly when I got back to Chase with the newly purchased gas, my car had not been towed, but another problem aroused, the funnels were not long enough to push the gas-pushy-thingy (technical term) down, so I couldn't get the gas in the tank. I grabbed a pen and with a series of Jerry rigging attempts made it work, but not without a splash of gasoline to the face first! I could only pour about 4 ounces at a time with out the funnel overflowing- let's just say the 64ounce cup took a while to drain. To my surprise the car started after a few attempts. I drove to the Maverik to fill up the rest of my tank.
Still hungry.
Went in the store and looked for a while but nothing really was appealing. I ended up purchasing a root beer and some garlic bread and went on my way.
Upon return to the apartment I realized I couldn't cook the french bread because my roommate was asleep on the couch and I didn't want to smoke him out of the living room (last time I used my oven every fire alarm in the building went off, not my fault). Screw it. I left the uncooked bread on the counter and retired for the evening.
And that's how that one hearing boy makes PB&J.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment